


Couldn't be Anything but Perfect

by justafan (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Fluff and Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Masturbation, Porn, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 10:51:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3485510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/justafan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*Completed*</p><p>There's a video floating around the internet of a man masturbating, who is supposedly Jared Padalecki. In this fic Jensen has discovered it and loves it... a lot. Almost as much as he secretly loves Jared.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, there are probably some mistakes in this my editing was quick. If you want to let me know of mistakes, I'll correct them.

 

He flips on the light and hears the trailer door slam shut behind him. He's greeted only by the quiet rumble of the air conditioner and the room seems too quiet. It always does at first though. It’s a weird transition, because his days are always hectic. They're filled with hundreds of people, mostly acquaintances. There are always a million aimless demands cast at him, and every second of his day is filled with a white noise of loud clatter. Jensen is forced to live at dizzying speeds, and most days are adrenaline fueled. Even after his work day is over he has to _hurry up_ and relax. He rushes off of set to gather his things. He scurries through the airport to meet his flight. He'll usually arrive home six hours later where he secretly feels too tired to move. But, he loves his family and a man has to tend to his responsibilities. He'll spend a night at 'home' then maybe have a nice breakfast. Before evening of the same day he'll be headed back to the airport where he'll return to the hustle of his work, an entire country away. He's accustomed to this beautiful race.

But, no matter how great a guy’s life is, sometimes you just need a break. So here in the lonely quiet of his trailer he feels like life is on pause, and right now that's the only thing in this world that he needs. Minus Jared. It'd be really nice if Jared were here. But, Jensen shoves that thought back under the dusty chain covered rock deep in his subconscious that it crawled its nasty little head out from under.

Jensen has decided on crashing here for the night. He kicks out of Dean's boots and shuffles into his tiny bathroom. He gets undressed and turns the tub on to fill. Out of the corner of his eye he sees his phone resting on the countertop. He’d left it there earlier so it wouldn’t get damaged during the day’s scenes. Now it’s taunting him.

He needs this break and he wants to relax. But, ya know... he's still a guy. And a guy has needs. Jensen doesn't usually indulge in satisfaction via his own hand, but ever since he found that damn video nothing else does it for him. He briefly weighs the issue. He's had a tense build of pressure in his scrotum for a few days now. So, he can let that ache grow, or he can watch the video, rub a good one out, then deal with feeling like a sick piece of shit afterwards.

He's still staring at his phone, already feeling the pathetic creeping in. His dilemma is resolved with a brief what the hell, and a quick navigation to his phones video gallery. Jensen lowers himself into the cold porcelain bathtub and presses play.

He props the phone against a shampoo bottle at just the right angle. He eyes the man in the video as he rests his own head against the slick shower wall. The man on the bed cups his balls and gives them a meaningful squeeze. Jensen splashes the warm water up onto his chest and his hand stills when it reaches the hard nub of his right nipple. He massages at it briefly before he almost absentmindedly gives it a pinch. He brings more water up onto him and uses the opportunity to rub at his abdomen, and trails the touch down to his thigh. All the while not looking away from his phone. The man by now is squirming. He’s starting to let out some subtle moans and the sounds go straight to Jensen’s dick. The guy is shifting his legs trying to get access to his hole without losing the pace of his other hand on his cock. Jensen does the same. He brings his right hand to the lower part of his belly and puts some pressure as he caresses down his slowly hardening shaft. His left hand is aiming a little deeper. He pulls his cheek away with a few of his fingers while he uses his index to massage at his opening. He times it with the guy in the video. He squeezes at the base of his penis and strokes up while adding strength into his grip. At the head, with a twist of his wrist he smoothes the motion back into a down stroke. This time he goes past the base of his shaft and mimics the video by grabbing at his sack. He gives a hard squeeze and rolls them a bit in his hand. He watches the man practically begging for a dick to be in his ass, and Jensen wishes he could help the guy out. He’d rub his swollen head against the man’s hole. He’d tease and play. Maybe even try a taste of that sweet pucker. But, probably not for long. He’d have to give it to him. The guy was just too beautiful to deny him of it. Jensen imagines pressing into the man, and being balls deep in his ass. He wants to feel the hot tightness of that gorgeous body around him. He wants to give it to the guy. Fill him up. He wants to be so deep in him that he’d taste his cum through his ass. Jensen would make it good for him. Make it perfect. But, with the two of them it couldn’t possibly be anything but. He can’t stand how filthy this is, but he has no will to fight it.

Thus far his feelings have been mostly in his imagination. They were easily ignorable. Sometimes he’d even forget that they existed. But now, he has this. He can’t _not_ watch it. And when he watches it, he can’t _not_ feel those things that he’s gotten so skilled at hiding. From the moment he met Jared he noticed that he’s obviously a sexy son of a bitch. He ignored that because, hey, a guy that hot has to be a dick. But, he wasn’t. So that made it harder to hate him. Turns out he was actually pretty awesome. They became undeniably close, and that was a reason in itself to hide these feelings from him. Because Jared was completely straight, and as far as anyone knew so was Jensen. Hell, even Jensen doesn’t consider himself even a little bit gay. But, when you’re getting yourself off by watching a porn of your best guy friend fucking his fist, there’s only so straight that you can be considered.

Jensen inserts a second finger into himself. He bends them a little and makes a circular motion, loosening his hole, and exploring the texture inside. He wants to throw his head back. He wants to close his eyes and just feel, but he can’t look away from the video of Jared. He can’t help that his back has arched away from the tub, leaving his head and neck to support his body weight. He’s pumping hard at his cock as he scissors and prods with his other hand in sync. His breathing is shallow, he can feel himself getting close. He slows on his dick so he can focus on his other hand. He finds his prostate and grinds himself down onto his fingers, pressing his knuckles painfully into the tub. He rides his fingers, rocking down onto them at the same time as the man in the video, Jared’s, moans get louder. Jensen is losing control along with him. The water rocks in waves with Jensen’s body and he grabs at his dick again. He thumbs over his slit for a brief second before squeezing and thrusting down his length. Jensen’s sounds are far past controllable, he’s been panting and moaning with the video but now his mouth lets out a quiet breathy, “Jaredddd…” Jensen’s eyes still on the phone, sees Jared writhe away from the bed and the pace of his fist quicken. Jensen knows what’s coming and let’s himself go as Jared squirts into the air and onto his chest. Jensen’s muscles tighten, and his legs go stiff. He fucks up into his fist and this time his vocal chords form a scream of Jared’s name. Jensen’s cum is airborne and falling into his bathwater for a good fifteen seconds. Jensen slows the stroke of his cock, letting his body relax and starts to come down. His shoulders go lax and he lets his head fall back onto the shower wall. He closes his eyes and doesn’t get a full minute to enjoy his orgasm before the grief comes barging in.

He feels dirty. Like, he’s betraying his friend. And, like he’s a horrible human being. How could he do such a thing? I mean, he’s not even gay for Christ’s sake! He doesn’t understand what it is about that fucking video that makes him so undeniably hot. Actually that’s a lie. He knows exactly what it is about the video. It’s that the man in it is his best friend, the hot ass hunk of man that he could very well possibly be in love with. And that snapped Jensen out of it.

That’s bullshit. He can’t be in love with a guy.

He kicks the stopper to drain the cum filled water out of the tub, and hopefully some of his angst, down the drain with it. He stands and turns on the shower. His heart feels heavy and he decides that it wasn’t even worth it. Next time he won’t give in. The water is scalding and he keeps his eyes closed. He can’t even look at himself. He tries to burn away the feelings and when he decides it a hopeless cause he gets out of the shower. Jensen thinks briefly about tossing the phone in the trash but decides that would be pointless, because the phone wasn’t the issue. Then, he thinks about deleting the video, but he’s afraid to look at it again right now. He towels off, and puts on his clean boxers. He turned out the light and tossed his linens into the basket, then turned the half of step out of the bathroom door into his ‘living room.’

His mind was basically blank. He was probably going to just watch TV until he fell asleep at some odd hour of the morning. He looks up as he rounds the doorway and his heart jumps out of his mouth. At least that’s the only explanation he can think of as to why he’s holding back the urge to vomit right now, when he looks into Jared’s guarded eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

He must’ve come to check up on him. Jared had felt that something was off with Jensen earlier. He kept questioning why he wasn’t catching the same flight home, and why he actually wanted to sleep in his trailer. Jensen knew it was hard to hide things from Jared. His face is an open book when he’s around the man, he can’t help it. Jensen is frozen in his place, and so is his brain. He freaks out for a few seconds, and just stares wide eyed at his best friend. Jared must’ve just now got here, or else Jensen would’ve heard him. Or, Jared would’ve heard through the tiny trailer what Jensen was doing and surely he would’ve let him know that he was here. Jensen knows that Jared can’t miss the fear in his face, but he thanks God that it isn’t acknowledged. The seconds seem to last hours. Jared finally shakes his head and motions at a Styrofoam cup on the end table. Jared stutters which should be enough to cue Jensen that something is wrong.

“I uh… I brought you coffee.” Jared looks down to his fingernails. “You had me worried earlier.”

Jensen takes a little longer to form a thought, he eventually kicks his brain in the ass forcing it to work.

“Thanks.” He looks at the cup then back to Jared. “I’m fine, I just needed a night. Ya know?” Somehow Jensen’s feet get an idea of their own. He finds himself at the mini fridge. He thinks, kudos, feet. Of course food is a good idea.

“You want some… ahh…” He bends so his face is practically in the refrigerator. He searches frantically for something of any value to offer to Jared. He finds nothing.

“Week old Chinese food?” Jensen stands and smiles half-heartedly at him. “Sorry, I don’t spend much time in here, there’s not much to eat.” Jared is still suspiciously quiet but he softly chuckles at Jensen’s offer.

“Nah man, I don’t wanna put you out.” Even with whatever plaguing Jared’s mind, he still has that sass. Jensen’s face lights up with a sudden spark of idea. He appreciates the coffee but he isn’t really in the mood for it.

“Beer!” He says, and Jared smiles. “I have beer, I forgot.” He grabs one for himself and one for Jared. The feel is still awkward as Jensen holds the bottle out for Jared to take. Jared looks at it for a second before accepting, but even when he does he just picks at the cap instead of opening it. Jensen can feel a panic attack coming on.

“What’s wrong?” He takes a too big drink of his beer and coughs a little. Jared doesn’t look at him. Which is bad.

“Like I said, I was just worried about you.” He mumbles.

“I’m sorry man, I didn’t mean to worry ya, I’m ok. Promise.”

Jared doesn’t reply and still doesn’t look at him. The air is getting thicker, or something heavy is sitting on Jensen’s chest because he’s finding oxygen hard to come by.

“Talk to me. What else is goin’ on?” He pleads. Jared finally looks at him with empty eyes, and it scares the shit out of Jensen. It still takes him forever to speak, but when he finally does it’s barely audible.

“Jensen, I heard you say my name in the bathroom.” Jared breaks eye contact again.

Jensen’s heart stops beating. He considers running out the door but he has nowhere to go. He could pass out. Seeing how that’s probably about to happen anyway, it seems like a good enough divergence. He can’t form a response.

“What video was that I heard playing?”

Jensen feels like a thousand bricks. He can’t move, he can’t speak. He doesn’t even have a brain to attempt either of the two actions. He’s just stuck. He doesn’t have any idea what to say. The truth will surely cause him to lose his best friend. And, possibly his job. But, right now there are no plausible lies anywhere in sight. So, he goes with nothing. He waits for Jared to speak, or to hit him. He waits for Jared to do something, anything.

“That was a long time ago. I had just broke up with Sandy, I was hanging out with Paris and it just happened. I don’t know how, I sure as hell don’t know why, or what I was thinking.” Jared stopped talking again. He sounded ashamed. His voice was soft and flat. He couldn’t seem to hold Jensen’s eyes for more than a half second at a time. Jensen still didn’t know what to say.

“Don’t hate me Jensen, please. I obviously never expected you to see that, I can’t lose you. Please, can you just forget you found it? Forget it exists, I had until five minutes ago.” Jared is pleading with him to not be mad. Why in the actual fuck would Jensen be the one pissed off right now? The disbelief forces words out of Jensen’s mouth. Unfortunately, it was so fast that the words didn’t get a chance to stop in at his brain for approval. They just come on out.

“You actually think I’m mad at you right now? For shooting a video of you fuckin’ yourself?!” Jensen’s jaw drops open. He wonders if it’s open enough for both of his feet to fit in there. His brain got a chance to register the words, and they definitely didn’t have approval. Jared’s eyes went from guarded and ashamed, to blown wide the fuck open in .02 seconds. Jensen suddenly got very busy. Throw blankets needed to be folded, pictures need to be straightened. He was almost certain his floor tiles were due to be counted. He might just have to do that right now.

“Why else did you scream my name? And come in here looking freaked the hell out?”

Jensen couldn’t answer right now, he was only on tile number 17 and he has at least a couple hundred to go.

“Look at me, Jensen!” Jared’s tone caused Jensen to put his friend priority over the counting. He looked at Jared and felt the blood rush to his cheeks. His face felt hot, his whole body did really. Funny how so much blood could be in his cheeks, but none in his brain.

“What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to answer my question.” Jared was being demanding. Jensen suddenly felt irrationally angry.

“I don’t know, Jared. Why would I be watching you masturbate, then yell your name from the bathroom?” The sentence was filled with so much sarcasm that it almost didn’t have meaning. Just snark. Jensen’s sudden courage fled as quickly as it had come, and now he was left feeling even more stupid and emotionally naked. Jared didn’t respond. His eyes were blank and he was staring at the air between them, not at him. This went on long enough that Jensen got a little concerned.

“Jared?” He asked. No response.

“Jared… you ok?” He asked again, and still Jared didn’t answer.

“Look, you can be pissed, I get it. But, I need to know you aren’t stroking out.” Jensen waved a hand in front of his face. “Jared!”

Finally a response. Not a word. But, a look. Jared’s mouth quirked up at a corner. A stunning smirk of mischief. His eyes filled with a dark glimmer, and Jensen could see a spark in them. The response made him feel nervous, and weirdly self-conscious. That expression was half a look of giddy love, and the other half of a predator to their prey. Jensen still wasn’t completely sure that Jared wasn’t having an aneurysm.

“Jared…?” This time it was a quiet question. He still didn’t get words, but he noticed Jared’s tongue slip across his bottom lip a second before his teeth set on it. Jensen looked into his eyes and gave a shy smile, still not knowing exactly what was happening in Jared’s head. Although, he was almost certain that it wasn’t bad.

That thought was interrupted by a hand pulling him clumsily onto the couch, on top of Jared, and hands everywhere. Jensen felt the warm comfort of Jared against him, and somewhere in his head he knew this was probably not a good idea. But, in a larger portion of his brain, there were fireworks and stars and fluffy pink hearts exploding with happiness. There might have been a unicorn with a glittery horn flying around, and rainbows too. And while all of that was amazing, it didn’t compare to the feeling of tasting this person beneath him.


End file.
